A Healthy Relationship is Like a Delicious Meal

A healthy relationship is like a delicious meal. A delicious meal requires both good ingredients and a good cook. How delicious a meal is, is determined by how many ingredients you add and how good the cook is. Excuse me, you cannot compare a meal that is prepared with ingredients that worth N20,000 with a meal that is prepared with ingredients that worth N2,000. The difference must be clear. A delicious meal also requires knowing the right ingredients and the right application of the ingredients. Likewise in marriage, you must know the right ingredients that season marriage and the right application of the ingredients.

Let us examine those marriage ingredients.

1. DESIRE A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

Matt. 5:6 says: “Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they shall be filled.” We can, for the purpose of this teaching, translate this very scripture in this way: “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for a healthy relationship for they shall enjoy their marriage.” Marriage is to be enjoyed and not to be endured. Cf Eccl. 9:9. If you desire a healthy relationship, you must do the following:

1.1 Decide to make your marriage palatable no matter what.

If you decide wholeheartedly to make your marriage sweet, definitely you will tolerate a lot of things to make sure crises do not erupt. In fact, you will always be the one to apologize even when it is obvious you are entirely right in a matter. You must pay a heavy price to make it sweet. You must be determined not to allow anything to spoil your marriage.

1.2 SLAP it.

In this context, SLAP stands for SEEK, LOCATE, ASK FOR IT, PAY THE PRICE.

1.2.1 Seek it: If you desire a healthy marriage relationship, you will go through a lot to seek it. When you seek it, your spouse may take you for granted but you must keep on seeking. Seeking a healthy relationship involves you seeking your first love and also, you becoming a better spouse. You should stop waiting for him to be nice. When you seek a healthy relationship you must be persistent. Keep seeking until you find it.

Let us consider this analogy. Assuming, I thirst for a chilled malt. I enter shop A and unfortunately do not succeed. I go to shop B still did not find. I go to shop C up to shop D without success. Assuming also I am going in the company of my friend. I tell you the truth, my friend may at a stage be demoralized and will even try to discourage me. But because I am the one who thirsts for it, I will persist until I find it. Assuming I go to shop G and luckily find it, that takes me to the next stage LOCATE IT.

1.2.2 Locate It: When I desire a healthy relationship, I must not relent until I locate it irrespective of discouragement. The moment I locate the chilled Malt in shop G then that will take me to the next stage.

1.2.3 Ask for It: The moment I locate the chilled malt, I shall joyfully ask for it. In marriage, when you seek a healthy relationship, you will always ask God in prayer for a healthy relationship. Ask yourself what you are not doing right; begin to work on your flaws and learn to do right.

Ask your spouse what he/she wants from you. Then adjust to suit his/her wish. Make him understand that what you need is a healthy relationship. Please I did not say “tell him” rather I said “make him understand.” That is to say, do everything (expressed in words and actions) to make him/her understand what you need. Finally, I have to pay the price.

1.2.4 Pay the Price: Going back to our illustration, the moment I ask for it, I will pay for it. In marriage, you have to pay the price for a healthy relationship. Paying the price is to DATE SO which stands for:

• Deliberate Stupidity

• Admit and Avoid wrong

• Tolerate

• Endure offence

• Sacrifice personal interest

• Overlook things

1.2.4.1 Deliberate Stupidity: Sir Dr. S.A. Nwannunu of St. Matthew's Anglican Church Mgbedeala once said, 'where two couples are living in peace, either of the couple is a fool.” This statement may sound quite impolite but a critical analysis of it unfolds a deep sense of wisdom. I think he meant to say that either of the couple deliberately behaves foolishly in order to maintain peace. That is to say, there are things you must do that would make people see you as a fool, even when you are not. Maybe you must have handled a matter in a way that people around condemned you and said to you (even looking at you eyeball to eyeball) that you are a fool. You hear them say something like, “If it is me, I can't take this rubbish. For allowing this you are a coward.” My dear, if someone has ever said this to you, don't mind them, if it were them they would take worse. You are only protecting your marriage by acting foolishly.

1.2.4.2 Admit & Avoid Wrong: If you desire a healthy and palatable marriage, then you must always admit fault even when you are right. In my own marriage, I admit being the cause of the first world war just for peace to reign. That is to say, I am the one begging. It is not easy in marriage, and you don't always play right. Sometimes you play left.

Have you ever seen two drivers park their vehicles on a bad road waiting for who will clear for each other? I tell you, some of them may stay at that point claiming right for over thirty minutes. Any time I see such people I say to myself these people have no serious mission they are going for. No man fully compos mentis would pack his vehicle at a spot and begin to drag right with another driver since he can swerve to another side and continue his journey. In marriage, when two partners are dragging right, no one is ready to bow for the other, definitely things must go awry.

Child of God, if you desire a palatable marriage, then be ready to always be the one to say sorry. It is so unfortunate that many people were in the classroom when their class teacher taught from one-letter words to four-letter words; but the day the teacher taught five-letter words they were not in school. That is why hitherto, they cannot pronounce the word “SORRY”. No wonder so many marriages have turned sour today. Just because of the inability to say SORRY.

1.2.4.3 Tolerate: Colossians 3:13 (NIV) "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." If you think you don't take rubbish, sorry marriage will force you to take rubbish. For you to pay the price in marriage, you must tolerate. Where there is no tolerance, there will be trouble. Tolerance is a huge price to pay in marriage.

1.2.4.4 Endure Offense: Paying the price in marriage also involves accepting irritating things, enduring offense and things like that. If you are the type that takes everything seriously then expect your marriage to hit the rock.

1.2.4.5 Sacrifice Personal Interest: For you to enjoy peace in your marriage, you should sacrifice your personal interest on the altar of selflessness. Assuming you want to eat rice and your spouse wants to eat garri, and one must go; because you pay the price, you force yourself to eat garri that you don't have an appetite for; is a huge price paid to get peace. This illustration shows that if you are determined to enjoy a palatable marriage, then you must possess an altruistic spirit.

1.2.4.6 Overlook Things: You also need to overlook and disregard irritating and unfair treatments. If you are the type that takes everything seriously be informed you cannot have a palatable marriage. Referees don't declare everything they detect in sports.

I will not fail to let you know that if you decide to pay the price, Satan will make the journey frustrating and unbearable to you. Persistence and determination is the key.

FACTORS THAT INFLUENCE DESIRE FOR A HEALTHY MARRIAGE

1. Heavenly Consciousness: Any spouse that is conscious of heaven will be careful never to allow marriage to stop him from going to heaven. That is why he/she will go through a lot. As a matter of fact, he/she will not want to be the cause of crises in his/her marriage. Remember, causing crises in your marriage can stop you from making heaven. We all know that a little thing can deny one heaven. That little thing may be the little trouble you cause in your marriage. Let's be properly guided.

2. Personality Value: Someone highly esteemed, respected, and admired by the society should not allow crises in marriage to drag his reputation and integrity to public ridicule. I try so much to avoid crises in my marriage simply because I don't want to smear my personality value.

3. Understanding: Any marriage without understanding is like a moving vehicle without tires. Understanding is pivotal to a successful marriage. You need to understand the kind of man or woman you are married to. When you understand his/her type of person, it becomes easier for you to be with him/her.

Let's call it a day at this point.